Why a Virtuous Woman?

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 A virtuous woman who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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I read this passage as a teenager and it made me want to be a virtuous woman and wife. It’s hard to be a virtuous wife when you marry men who abuse you. This last and final marriage is my chance to get it right! We live in what’s called a 50’s household. The husband brings home the bacon and the wife is the domestic goddess. My husband comes home and I greet him at the door. I take his coat and lunch bag and put them away. I have dinner ready for him and serve him. When we finish dinner, I ask him how his day was. I take care of his needs all evening which may include a foot rub, cuddling, etc. I get him his usual ice cream at about 9:30, pack his lunch for the next day and we are in the bed by 10:00. The alarm goes off at 7:30 a.m. and he gets up to shave and shower. Once he gets dressed, he kisses me (whether I’m asleep or awake) and leaves for work.

I’ve been waiting for disability since 2013, so I’m home dealing with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, PTSD, DID, IBS, etc. The next entry will deal more with that. He takes me out to dinner on Saturday night since I’m basically stuck in the house all week. Sunday we go to church and Wednesday evenings we go to small group at the pastor’s house. I pray every night and one of my church sisters had me reading a chapter of Proverbs every night. I decided to do something different in this blog by taking a verse every day and writing about it.

The first mention of a virtuous woman is in Proverbs 12:10. A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband…”  If I’m a crown, I must be a Queen right?  My nickname has always been Queen B.  As a Queen, I need to treat him like my King, which I do.  The difference is that he appreciates it more than my other husbands did.

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The Micro-Managed Woman

I am responsible for the budget and paying the bills.  It’s easy for me because I’m so detail oriented and have OCD and have done it since I was 17.  My first and second husbands lived with their parents at the time I met them and did not have any responsible financial habits.  They got money, they spent it.  Ooops was there a bill in there somewhere?  Now I have to scrounge to find a way to pay it.  That was their mindset.  This husband at least lived on his own prior to meeting me and knows how to pay bills.

He trusts me with the money so the job is mine. I write out how much money he gets for pension and his two checks that month and list the bills that need to be paid.  We’ve never had a shut off notice or threatened to have service interrupted in the 3 years we have been together.  No, I’m not perfect and I’ve had a few bumps in the road but I managed to recover.  Needless to say, every month, he micro-manages me when he sees the checking account amount gradually decrease.  I just remind him that “I got this!”

This new place is a little more confusing when anticipating the amount due.  They have it on the website and in the 2 months we’ve been here, we’ve seen it displayed different ways.  Last month, I had a credit of $68.  This month we have an amount due of $86.  But that was because the pool closed one Saturday which lost us $50 and I had to shut the pool down due to rain one night.  That was not anticipated.  In addition, we had extra money left over from the last pay so I wanted to get some phone accessories off of Amazon.  Somewhere in the process, they decided to bill us for Prime and snatched $104 from our account.  I was floored but then I realized that God was “holding” that for us to make sure we could pay the rent balance due.

My husband still fails to see how God works in mysterious ways and called me to ask how much we have left after bills.  Um, the bills were just paid.  I was also getting ready to walk out of the door to go to work.  His incessant questioning was frustrating me and getting me all worked up.  Then to add insult to injury, he put me on hold twice!  I finally just put him on speaker and grabbed my stuff and stormed out of the door.  Halfway to the pool, he’s still questioning and finally I just yelled, “The Bills are paid.  We’ll discuss the rest when I get home!”  Even after that, he still called me 4 more times!

 

The Lost Woman

So on Wednesday, July 26th, I received the final rejection from Social Security.  I was, and still am, completely numb about it.  That money was my validation, our answer to our financial crisis, and the start of our future.  Now it’s just gone.  I look back at the 4 years I was fighting for it and I’m asking God, “Why did I have to suffer for all of these years on something I thought was promised to me?”  Is my spiritual radar that far off?  I was hosting the Small Group Bible Study at my house shortly after I received the letter.  I was happy showing off our new home but that was the only smile I could muster.

We are reading about the Circle of Prayer and learning how to pray.  I prayed a Circle around the Social Security decision and I got denied.  That really hurt.  Especially when you claim the victory in Christ and then get defeated…over and over and over again! Now I’m asking God, “Now What?”  I shared that and everyone became very somber. They weren’t quite sure what to pray for.  I just feel numb and completely lost.  We can barely afford to live here and that was our last hope of  becoming financially stable. How can I glorify God in a defeat?  I honestly don’t know how.

That just confirms that I’m worthless.  I can’t work to earn income and I can’t get disability due to my issues.  That basically makes me dead weight.  I’m waiting for my husband to start suggesting places for me to work.  That wasn’t part of our original deal anyway.  He took me on knowing that I wasn’t able to work.  I can “work” at the pool for money off of our rent, but I literally just sit on the computer the whole time.  I can’t stand for longer than 10 minutes, so any job standing is out.  That leaves me with a desk job.

Our 10 year plan to save up for our RV and retire is gone.  Being able to help my children is gone.  Being a potentially cool grandma is gone.  I feel like my whole life is just wasted space at the moment.  I know I’m supposed to pray for comfort and trust and all, but it’s all a hard pill to swallow.  I’m going to need a minute before I get back to all of that.

The Fearless Woman

Fearless Video

This is my new anthem!

But I wasn’t given the spirit of fear
I was given the power of love
Everything I’ve been fighting against
I’m gonna lift it up
I wanna be fearless
No holding back no backing down
Fearless
Because I believe you’re with me now
Bring on the unknown
Lead me and I’ll go
Come set me free
God, I want to be
Fearless!
I can’t even explain the way I feel now.  Blessed is an understatement.  I feel overwhelmed with God’s love and his promises he made to us!  We got moved into our new apartment home and once I got it all set up, I nearly cried.  I can’t believe we are in a gorgeous place like this and a burden was lifted.  The stress just melted away!
I completely shattered our budget because we had to get so many things for our home. When the dust settled, we had literally NO money left.  I prayed a circle around our finances and didn’t worry.  About a week and a half earlier, I had a little fender bender and the insurance called issuing us a payment minus our deductible and it covered us. God always works on time.  I can never doubt him again!
When we were in the rental office, we inquired about the pool monitor job they had listed.  Basically we test the levels of the pool, make sure no one is acting crazy and close it up at night.  In exchange we get $25 off of our rent for each shift!  I signed up for 3 shifts and he signed up for 1.  That’s $400 off our rent during the summer months!  God just keeps showering us with his love!
Hubby got put on Salary at work too!  He’d basically been doing the work of his Senior Manager anyway since he got fired.  They arranged to put him on a salary which completed the gap of how we were going to pay the increase in rent.  As usual, God is good!
My oldest daughter, Sydney came to visit as a vacation and for her sister’s birthday.  It was supposed to be a surprise but she blew it by asking what she wanted for dinner LOL. It was a great 3 day visit!  I didn’t want to put her on the bus back home!
I started working out since there’s a fitness room here.  I talked to my friend who is studying to be a fitness trainer and devised a plan.  As of today, I can walk the treadmill for 30 minutes and lift 5 lb weights in various exercises.  I’ve lost 8 lbs and I’m not going to stop.  The debilitating back pain started going away.  Now I’m trying to trim down the amount of medication I take every day.
I’m so grateful for our Small Group at church. We have been reading a book on prayer circles so I have made a few:  finances, hubby, health, and social security.  In addition, at church we took cards of people to pray for.  I know who my person is, but hubby doesn’t know who his is, so he feels like he doesn’t have to do anything.  His lack of faith is beginning to wear me down a bit…a lot.  I pray for his faith and his health.  He has to lose some weight, his poor ankles can’t hold up too much longer.  I got him in the fitness room with me once, but he didn’t do much.  My sis suggested I try a cleanse.  I’d have to do it on a weekend because he hates using the bathroom at work.  I just don’t know about him.
But this I do know…I’m going to be Fearless!

The Prosperous Woman

Psalm 128:2  You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.

We finally got all moved in.  We spent the weekend before getting a U-haul to pick up things we bought off of Offer-up.  That included a black/marble dining table with 3 chairs, 2 Adirondack chairs and a table for the patio, an ottoman, and a mattress.  That cost us about $90.  Then the movers we anticipated taking 2 hours actually cost us 4 hours and sucked up any money we had left.  I know God blessed us with the move, now I’m praying that he helps us recover our funds for doing so!

God brought us out of a bad situation with our other house.  We had a crappy landlord who insisted that we stop making noise (i.e. vacuuming or running the loud dishwasher) at 8:30 p.m. but whose kids woke us up at 7:00 a.m. yelling or screaming every morning. They would run up and down the hardwood floors shaking our house.  When they had company over, we knew it because they would talk so loud we could hear every word. After the run in with my daughter and some guys who were trying to talk to her, I was about done.  Then he went out to say that I couldn’t even let her spend the night.  Then it was time to go.

I look back now and I’m thankful that we didn’t get the social security money when I wanted it because we would have spent that all on moving.  God wanted us to find the place HE had for us using what we had and then he could bless us later.  I understand that now. He also blessed my husband with a raise!  We should see the fruits of that on Friday.  He also put us here so I could get the job as a pool monitor.  Each evening I work (take pool readings and make sure no one gets too rowdy), we get $25 taken off of our rent.  On the days we scheduled, that’s $400 off of monthly rent for the summer!  God is really blessing us once we got to where HE wanted to be!

Hubby is still struggling in the faith department.  Every time one little thing doesn’t go his way, he exclaims, “See, God didn’t work!”  I have to remind him that praying once for something doesn’t mean that He will grant it to us right away.  With my bad back, I prayed to God for relief to help me move (yes, just me) and He did.  Hubby complained about his knees and ankles after making 2 trips to load the car and unload.  I was so disappointed.  I packed, moved and unpacked everything by myself.  We get in and washer outlet is dead and the dryer cord is the wrong kind and he gets super frustrated. I was so calm that it startled him. I pray on things, let go, and Let God.  Plain and simple! I’ve been praying to God to help hubby see the magnitude of His power.  I thought in this move, he would. I sure see it and I’m glad we are prospering for a change!

The Praised Woman

Verse 31: Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

When you do things well, you get honored and praised for them.  I’ve been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a teacher, a principal, an entrepreneur, and a great friend.  I feel acknowledged and respected in my personal and professional fields.  Both of my fathers, my earthly one and my heavenly One are proud of the woman I have become. My husband sees me as a blessing and calls me “perfect”.  My daughters, as adults, are my best friends.  My brother loves me and misses me like crazy.  The women I call my sisters, look up to me.  My former students, who are now adults and friends on Facebook, still regard me as one of their favorite teachers/principal.

The people I’ve done business with regard me as intelligent and helpful.  My church and its members are my friends and they revere me as a woman who loves God and who is called according to His purpose.  I’m an empath and I aches at my inability to change the world or fix it’s problems.

The Fearful Woman

Verse 30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 9:10  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

I have feared the Lord since I was about 9.  I knew that the decisions I make in life will have consequences.  I learned the 10 commandments and then stuck by them as best as I could.  I thought that God would make something to happen to me.  I stole something from a store once and my mom took me back there and made me apologize.  Lesson learned.  I have never taken God’s name in vain and I abhor anyone using the G-D word around me.  My ex would say it in arguments just to piss me off.  My current husband said it quite a bit when we first got together, but I asked him to refrain and he did.

I spent most of my life walking the straight and narrow because of the fear of the Lord.  I had my weak moments and several occasions where I was out of fellowship with God.  I knew He was there, but I didn’t trust Him.  I always came back to Him.  We have the strongest relationship now because I’m following His path now.  He sent me my help-meet and we are great together.  Things have been going well since we’ve been together. Having a God-fearing husband is awesome!

The Noble Woman

Verse 29: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.

Noble:  having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals. The picture above is a portrait of Maria Jacoba van Goor.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to live up to Biblical morals and qualities of Christ. Especially as hard as it has been sometimes.  I’ve failed in some areas, but I can still say that I drink only on special occasions (New Years, My Birthday), have never done drugs, and have never smoked (I’m actually allergic).  When I was younger, I dreamt of being the first black female President. LOL  So I didn’t want to partake in any vices so it could never come back to haunt me.  I wanted to be the epitome of honor and grace which seems to be long forgotten in this world.  Even in my teens and adulthood, I was always considered the “square”.  I didn’t smoke with my friends, I didn’t do drugs with my friends, and I didn’t drink hard with my friends.  But I stood my ground and never succumbed to any pressure.

I held the role of Principal which also held me to a higher standard.  There were actual ruled of conduct becoming of a Principal.  I had to break up with a man I was dating because if he potentially got into trouble for something he was doing illegally, it would reflect badly on me.  I mean I was supposed to be the role model for teachers and students.  I had an article written about me and a stint on a news show LOL!

Raising two daughters posed more of a challenge because of all of the newer vices out here these days.  My oldest pretty much stayed on the straight and narrow, but my youngest basically overindulged in everything from age 16 – 18.  She was a handful.  But eventually, she got to that point where she hit the bottom and realized how destructive that path was.  I didn’t nag or threaten them. I simply told them what the repercussions were and that I would be there when they realized it.  I was there for both of them and they are forever grateful for it.

Most men don’t want noble women, they want every other woman out there. Correction: men my age.  I’ve always liked older men because they didn’t play games like these hustlers out here and they had the old world charm that I loved. My first husband was 11 years my senior, my favorite love was 16 years my senior, and my current husband is 9 years my senior.  I’m a classic girl who loves the 1950’s lifestyle.  My husband always opens my doors for me, holds my hand whenever we walk, takes me out to nice dinners, and treats me as his Queen.

What more can a noble woman ask for?

The Blessed Woman

Verse 28: Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

I’m still high off of the news of our new place!  I was elated to type the 30 day move out notice to our landlord.  My husband is proud of me for getting everything taken of as far as shut off and turn ons. He loved the financial layout.  It was funny to me because he was the one who insisted that we couldn’t find a suitable place in the $1000 range and was looking at things that cost too much. This place is $1,100 and we took the utilities package making it about $1,300 a month.  He is due to be switched to salary and that will help down the road, but we have to pinch the first few months!

The third bedroom will be our guest bedroom for when my daughters come to visit.  That was very important to me!  They are 26 and 19, but they’re still my babies to me.  This past Sunday was Mother’s Day and I got text messages from both of them.  My youngest apologized for not “doing” anything and I texted back that she already had and it was enough!  I miss them both like crazy. I see my youngest pretty much every week, but my oldest in Columbus, I see maybe once every few months or so.  However, we do text and Snapchat regularly!

The Boss Woman

Verse 27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

God is so good!  We got approved for the new home!  Granted, it is an apartment home, but it’s 3 bedrooms/2bathrooms full of amenities for living in a community!  I plotted out our budgeting for the next month and we can handle the hefty payment but we’ll have to pinch a while.  I’ll have to find something to supplement the extra $250 we’ll need every month.  I can’t physically work anywhere and I can’t get flagged for income on anything due to my social security case being in the appeal mode.  I found a transcriptionist job with Amazon and I’m waiting to be approved.

Of course, my OCD has me drawing out plans and finances, creating a timeline and designing the place already.  We have a few boxes now, but we’ll get more when we have our small group at our friend’s new house.  My husband refers to me as the Domestic Goddess. I take care of everything in the house. When he gets paid, I pay the bills.  I make menus for the week and buy groceries accordingly.  I have a list of cleaning jobs by day of the week.  My house stays clean pretty much all of the time.

I had sensory overload because I also had an event planned for our Littles Group – A trip to the mall and to Build-A-Bear.  There were 5 of us this time and it was great! They had a sale and we all pretty much walked out with 2 stuffies each!  When I got back home, I passed completely out!  It takes me a while to recover from so much stimulation!

I also printed out a workout regimen.  I really need to get on it this week!

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